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A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, `Hey, lady! You`re really ugly!` The lady was furious and continued on her way.On the way home, she passed by the petstore again and the parrot once more said `Hey, lady! You`re really ugly!` She was incrediblyticked now, so she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn`t say it again.The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot. `Hey, lady!` it said.`Yes?`You know.`

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Kawał z dnia 2018-10-21

How do you get a Harvard graduate off your porch? Pay him for the pizza.

Kawał z dnia 2018-10-20

There once were two Irishmen, named Shawn and Pat, who were the best of friends. During one particular night of revelry, the two agreed that when one passed on, the other would take and spill the contents of a bottle of fine, Irish whiskey over the grave of the fondly missed and recently dead friend. And as fate would have it, Shawn would be the first to pass. Pat, hearing of his friend`s illness, came to visit his dear friend one last time. "Shawn," said Pat, "can you hear me?" Faintly, Shawn replied, "Yes, Paddy, I can." Bashfully, Pat started, "Do you remember our pact, Shawn?" "Yes, I do Patty," Shawn strained. "And, you`ll also remember that I was to pour the contents of a fine, old bottle of whiskey over your grave, which we have been saving for, going on 30 years now?" said Pat. "Yes Patty, I do," whispered Shawn. `It`s a very ?old` bottle now, you know," urged Pat. "And what are you gettin` at Pat?" asked Shawn, briskly. "Well Shawn, when I pour the whiskey over your grave, would ya mind if I filter it through my kidneys first?"

Kawał z dnia 2018-10-19

Two retired professors were vacationing with their wives at a hotel in the Catskills. They were sitting on the veranda one summer evening, watching the sun set.The history professor asked the psychology professor, `Have you read Marx?`To which the professor of psychology replied, `Yes and I think it`s these pesky wicker chairs.`