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Q: What do a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce have in common?

A: Someone is going to lose a trailer.

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Kawał z dnia 2019-03-23

A man got pulled over by a cop because he was weaving in and out of the lanes. The cop got out of his car and asked the driver to blow in a breath-analyzer tube to check his alcohol level.
`Oh, no,` the driver said. `I can`t do that. If I do that, I`ll have an asthma attack and die.`
`OK,` said the officer, `let`s go down to the station and you can pee in a cup to check your alcohol level.`
`Oh, no, I can`t do that. I`m a diabetic and if I pee my blood sugar level will go down so low that I might die.`
`Fine then. Let`s go to the station and take a blood test to check your alcohol level.`
`Oh, no, I can`t do that. I`m a hemophiliac and I`ll never stop bleeding if you draw my blood.
`All right then, just step outside your car and walk this white line for me.`
`Oh, no, I can`t do that.`
`Why not?`
`Because I`m drunk.`

Kawał z dnia 2019-03-22

The priest and the rabbi were on a plane flying across the ocean when the plane developed engine trouble. Everyone was doomed. The priest turned to the rabbi and said, `Before I die there`s something that I would like to know. You being Jewish and all -- have you ever tasted ham?`

`Well,` the rabbi laughed, `sure I`ve tasted ham. But tell me father, before we die -- could you tell me if you have ever made love to a woman?`

The priest blushed and said, `There was this one time I gave in and made love to a woman.`

The rabbi looked at the priest and said, `Beats the hell out of ham, don`t it?`

Kawał z dnia 2019-03-21

What do you call a mentally disabled person in a fancy suit?

Mr. President.